User talk:Splatterhouse 3
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Splatterhouse 3: Stage Z page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 18:31, November 9, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:35, November 9, 2018 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted for a number of reasons I'll outline below. I'll try to outline all the issues I noticed, but I would recommend using the writer's workshop for your next story as this may not be a complete list and I may be overlooking issues. Mechanical issues: Punctuation and capitalization issues ("I beat the game for the first time.(,) But (but) when I chose "Start" again"), spacing (""Evil One:Time (space missing) to release the Dark Stone! Did you know I killed the people in those images?""), and redundant phrasing. ("It faded to the battle with The Evil One, I had only one life left in-game. Surprisingly I beat him with barely any health left in-game.") Plot issues: While there weren't too many issues mechanically, there were a lot of problems with the plot itself. The story feels incredibly rushed and is lacking effective description. Here is the climactic battle in your story: "It faded to the battle with The Evil One, I had only one life left in-game. Surprisingly I beat him with barely any health left in-game." It results in the story being bland as there isn't anything for the audience to latch onto or paint the scene. Plot issues cont.: Here is a list of video game cliches to avoid or spend more time to effectively work it into the story. For being only about fourteen sentences long, there are a lot of generic tropes. Random images of violence. "It was just Rick walking, for split seconds it looked like images of corpses that flashed on screen." Also, you're trying to scare the audience. Give some detail so they can fill in the blanks. You don't have to be gory per se, but just calling them corpses does nothing to enhance the terror. Plot issues cont.: Song generally regarded as "creepy" plays on repeat: "Then distorted music was playing, it sounded like Infected Jennifer from the game." Additionally, how is the music distorted, is it gratingly high like nails on a chalk board, ominously low like thunder rolling in the distance, etc. Saying it sounded like infected Jennifer doesn't really build the scene in the audience's head because they don't know how that sound is incorporated into the game. Plot issues cont.: Not being able to turn off/unplug the game console/TV.: "The game froze, I then reset the console but it didn't work" At this point, it feels more like you're moving through a checklist of tropes and in a 14 sentence story, this is really noticeable. Conclusion: Finally, the ending is anti-climactic and comes off as abrupt. "I didn't tell anyone about this event, until I felt like sharing this on this wiki." That isn't really adequate explanation for why they'd post this after twenty years? Additionally without really going into how this game affected them, the audience is left with a relatively uneventful/un-impactful story. Those were some of the reasons why I deleted your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:22, November 9, 2018 (UTC) :There's a copy of your story. Submit it there if you want. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:55, November 10, 2018 (UTC) Re: Pingas I'd point you towards the Trollpasta wiki if you were looking for a place to host it, but unfortunately the admins over there are hunting for an actual site to set up since the wiki was shut down. Best of luck hunting for a place to share it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:30, December 27, 2018 (UTC)